i am reading a book called
the joke by milan kundera. i am a very fast reader. i dont say this to brag (what would be boastful about reading fast, i am not sure, but i have been accused of such) but to emphasize the oddness of how long it is taking me to read this book. i stopped reading it for awhile, but have picked it back up b/c i loathe quitting. it is a novel about a guy who was a communist and then was kicked out of the Party and his life story etc. blah, blah, blah. but in today's reading, there was an interesting part that reminded me of what God has been showing me lately. the subject is betrayal and this guy is about to be kicked out of the Party for something that he didn't really even do. all of his friends are in on the vote about whether he should be kicked out or not. they are asked to raise their hands if they think he should be kicked out. well, being members of the Party and seeing the head guys voting affirmatively, they followed suit. the book talks about how this guy puts everyone to this test of loyalty: "whenever i make new acquaintances, men or women with the potential of becoming friends or lovers, i project them back into that time, that hall, and ask myself whether they would have raised their hands; no one has ever passed the test: everyone of them has raised his hand in the same way my former friends and colleagues (willingly or not, out of conviction or fear) raised theirs. you must admit: it's hard to live with people willing to send you to exile or death, it's hard to become intimate with them, it's hard to love them," (kundera, 76). this little passage screams gospel. it reminded me of what doug has been talking about with peter's betrayal of Christ, with Judas' and with mine. we would all raise our hands, no one wouldnt. the guy also discovers this later: "alas, i found no guarantee i would have acted any better; but how has that affected my relationship with others? the consciousness of my own baseness has done nothing to reconcile me to the baseness of others. nothing is more repugnant to me than brotherly feelings grounded in the common baseness people see in one another. i have no desire for that slimy brotherhood," (kundera, 77). this passage was especially compelling with regard to our present personal trials. it is no secret (not now at least!) that wade and i have been struggling in our marriage. but God has been so gracious in this, He has allowed wade's sin to bring mine to light; though i admit i am not always overjoyed by this. it is much like a purging around here. but, back to the passage. i love how it is like a baby reformed person realizing that total depravity means me, too. yes ME, i could/do/will do terrible things. we are base. our best deeds are as filthy rags. but we have these brotherly feelings, realizing that we share this profound treachery. we are a slimy brotherhood. but our brother Christ unites us to Himself and we are also, in this way, a royal brotherhood. sinners and saints. you get the picture. so if i get nothing else out of this strange communistish book, well at least i've these thoughts.
