Tuesday, October 28, 2008

from the unhappy pregnant girl

October 27, 2006

Friday



I stink.

My bathroom stinks.

The area by the kitchen sink, stinks.

So many things stink!



And I hate the word stink.



I hate it when someone walks into a room and exclaims, “what stinks!?”



I hate it when parents jest with their little children and say in their playful voice “you stinky butt” and then laugh and laugh.



That’s not funny.



There is nothing funny about having a stinky butt. Go take a bath.



My sense of smell is so heightened that I feel like I see my house in whole new light.



I was lying on my couch the other day and lo and behold I smelled dust, dust!



I told my husband that our couch is too dusty and that we need to clean it.



And of course he says what he always says, “I don’t smell anything.”



I haven’t the energy to continue my plea and it is so annoying when he responds like that.



As if because he doesn’t smell it, my opinion is lobbed off into outer space with no validity.



That is annoying.



And no, I am not in the best of moods right now.



So I might be a bit overwhelming in opinions.



But I am absolutely sure that many things stink in this house because since I have been sick (3 weeks) nothing has been cleaned!



Well, I cleaned my toilet and bathroom sink once.



But it has not been vacuumed, dusted, swept, and I have so much laundry that if I stacked it all up a small child could pretend they are climbing Everest.



I can not wait to feel better.



The first day I feel better I am going to put on a cape and conquer this house.



Then I am going to go visit as many people as I can and give them big hugs and give a small speech regarding never taking your health for granted.



Hmmm, maybe I could even use a microphone, just to really rally them up.



Or sing.



Oh, I want to sing again.



this little poem (?) inspired me today. it is exactly how i feel, except for the mean part about her husband. i can't cite the source specifically because i couldn't find a name, it said only "unhappy pregnant girl". aside from lying i the couch crying i sometimes venture to the computer to edit pictures or read about other women who experience the type of morning i sickness that i have. and cry while i read it. and whit sits behind me on the bed looking at books saying, "mommy you are making me have tears, please stop". that's healthy for your children, right?

i promise this will be my only blog related to this b/c it consumes me and i can't do that to you (unless you are wade or kirsten and then sorry, you hear about it all the time). anyway. i know i always have it like this. the worst part is the smells and the unending gnawing in my stomach and the thirst but nothing sounds good to drink. i tried one time to drink water and it sent my nausea to new levels. so i barely drink anything. i know it is terrible. last nite wade and i were talking (okay i was bawling) about this thing. it just feels like being terminally ill. i know it sounds dramatic, but really i have spent some time with the terminally ill. i mean at least for me it will, lord willing end in something wonderful, and for that i am thankful. sometimes i don't want to talk b/c i feel like i will vomit. but don't worry, i never do. never. i want to, i feel like it could maybe help for a minute, but no, never happens. i gag, but i don't vomit. my house is a disaster, my family eats junk. i feel physically unable to eat food in my house b/c every smell in the house-good or bad-makes me want to die. the past few days i have just been not eating some meals. it seems to hard to even think about figuring out what i could eat.

okay, i could say more about the dark places i have been going in my depressed, dirty, place but i will save that for Jesus. also, wade has been a doll and i feel so badly for him; all of the sudden the person who cooks, cleans, nurtures, washes, etc is useless except for crying and moaning. let's hope it's girl b/c i really don't think i can do this again and have four children to take care during, since i am failing miserably now as it is with three!

1 Comments:

Blogger keely steger said...

praying for you, court.
and loving you guys.

1:21 PM  

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