Friday, March 09, 2007

Trying to Capitalize

So this girl that I used to work with at the Sooner Schooner has been calling me and telling me these crazy things about my Dad. Apparently, since there is no longer family working there to hold him accountable to reality (okay, new family like my stepmother and stepbrothers who have known him for about a year) my Dad has been sharing some of stories of the things he did in his twenties. Let's get the framework going here: My mom married my (step) Dad when I was like eighteen months old. He was twenty. He had not been to college yet and was just working. I think he delivered Tombstone pizzas to local grocery stores. Again, he was twenty when they were married. My brother, mother, and I began living with this man (or really, boy). He grew up in Warner Robin Georgia, but moved to Oklahoma after graduating. Or so I thought. He told Addison* and anyone who now works there or who patronizes the Schooner the following:

1. He played football at Georgia for two years and was then drafted to the NFL.
2. He played football for the Baltimore Colts.
3. He had a band in college called Roundhouse. Alleged band opened for the Allman brothers. One of the Allman brothers thought he was such an amazing drummer that he asked my dad to go to LA with him to help this obscure musician write this obscure song. Who was it? Oh yeah, ERIC CLAPTON. What song? LAYLA.
4. He previously was an overseas assasin for the government. Hmm. I always thought it took him a long time to get home from coaching soccer every weekend.
5. This one I won't detail because I am still recovering from the nastiness of it, but it has something to do with a renown (or so I am told) adult film star and their having a competition and my dad wasn't the loser.
6. He trained kickboxers in Europe for a few years. This is the only one with even a hint of truth, he was a kickboxer and then did train other boxer/kickboxers/karate people, not so much in Europe, unless that was the code name for our garage.

No doubt there are more, but these are the most outrageous. I don't even know what to say to this girl when she calls to tell me these things. I hesitated to even post about this because even though it is funny and yet it is so sad. Exaggeration is one thing. This is not even smart. Does he not think Addison will call me and ask me about it? "Was your dad mysteriously ever gone as you were growing up, perhaps overseas assasinating people?" Yeah, not so much. Does he not think that maybe people will have the tiniest shred of dubiosity towards as to his genuineness? Maybe run a quick search on the internet to see about the NFL thing or the Georgia Bulldog thing? Maybe in a couple of years we will hear about how he and Al Gore put their heads together to end global warming.

1 Comments:

Blogger keely said...

Ummmm....huh.

3:36 PM  

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