the afflicted condition

it is interesting reading contentment (yes, i am still plowing through it, it is tiny print and you can't read more than 10 pages a sitting b/c you are overwhelmed with how far away from true thinking you daily are) because burroughs talks about how christians generally live in an afflicted condition. it is scary how foreign this is from the present mentality of many branches of the church. there is, of course, a spectrum and i am not suggesting that we are living out a health and wealth gospel; well, not blatantly. but inside my heart i want things. there is no area of my life that is immune from desiring.

obviously, we are created for desire and the ultimate end of that desire is Christ. but burroughs distinguishes desiring after things and enjoying them as they come with the "dew of God's blessing". that term is one he often employs in the book and it is really refreshing to me. that we should only enjoy/love things (or people, jobs, weights, emotions...) as they are given to us by a loving God. that we love God in them, not inherently per se, but His dew of blessing that is on them. the essential point being that if they were taken away, we should say, "that seems hard to lose, but if God will make it up to me with more of Himself, i will be okay". it is disastrous how little i feel i could respond that way. for one, i am always subconsciuosly bargaining with God. if that thing becomes mine, i will honor you with it and what fun for me it would be. for another, i scarce believe i would be satisfied with God alone. did i write that? it is hard to utter, but is sadly a true fear. BUT, is it not when we are brought low that God seems nearest? in my experience this is true and i believe that scripture would back it quite well. it is like the hymn "i asked the Lord". reading this book is like singing that song again and again. deliriously frightful and incomparably comforting all at once.

soon i will be almost thirty. some of my friends are coming this weekend and i am jazzed about that. my children are getting old and have made friends here, praise God. reading knox's history of the reformation in the realm of scotland. it is fun to read about my son's namesake. it is not fun to read about this horrifying time in the church's history, i cannot believe some of the things i am reading, i mean i was familiar with the selling of indulgences (which is very appalling, indeed), but papal orgies? whoa. but i really love ireland and scotland and am learning things, like geography and history. you know, things i managed not to learn with a 4.0 in advanced classes from norman public schools. not blaming them, it could have been me?!?!